Contents
1.
Let's call sin, Sin
2.
Realise the height from which he's fallen
3.
How will we respond?
4.
Where will we go?
5.
So where does forgiveness come in?
To
conclude
So how does forgiveness work when it comes to a Christian leader
falling and failing his flock? It's an area that most of us don't think
much about, or we only do when a crisis of failure occurs in a leader,
and often then it's an emotional knee-jerk type of reaction. This page
is to help us think ahead of the crisis to ward it off, or help clear
our thinking when the crisis has occurred.
Because we've seen so little written about this, we venture to
make the following comments. We are aware that there is probably much
more that could be said, particularly in respect of the women involved.
For the moment we will restrict our considerations to the man of God
concerned.
1.
Let's call sin, Sin
There is no question in what follows, that anything in any way
diminishing the terribleness and awfulness of sin, and in this case,
the sin of a leader. Our man, for it probably is a man, has fallen,
so let's not pretend it's otherwise. Somewhere, somehow, he was tempted
– and fell! It was sin and he is answerable to God. Please understand
that, in what follows, there is nothing about excusing the failure,
but a lot about understanding it.
Let's not be coy, the most common observable failure (sin) among
leaders tends to be that of adultery. The world does it all the time,
but in the Christian congregation it is still a failure of the seventh
and tenth of the Ten Commandments. There is a need for reconciliation
to God and to his spouse.
The path for him to be reconciled to God is through repentance.
Nothing changes because he is a leader. The path out of sin is always
repentance. There is no other way, but before that can happen, sometimes
many other things have to happen. In all that follows we will assume
that the sin was a one-off and the illicit relationship is not ongoing.
If it is, our primary goal in prayer must be that it will be ended quickly
and the the following will not be able to apply until that relationship
is broken off.
2.
Realise the Height from which he's Fallen
With the shock of the on-looking congregation – which may be
worldwide – it is easy to point fingers. “Surely he of all people ought
to have known better!” When we look at the wife he has left behind,
it is so easy for our pity for her to fuel our condemnation of him.
The more we point fingers and the more we condemn, the more we
reveal the poverty of our own hearts, and the more we reveal our lack
of understanding of the human condition, and indeed our own frailty
and vulnerability.
What sort of life did this man live? The answer to that can vary
incredibly and, in fact, there are as many answers as there are men
in leadership.
The
One-Man Ministry
On the one hand there is the man ministering alone in a small
local church. He's what we call “a one-man ministry” and the emphasis
is on his aloneness. He's possibly put on a pedestal by his congregation
and that separates him off from all others. There are few that he can
share with and those few are often rarely available. He is expected
to be all things to all men – and women – and it is in respect of the
latter that he is most vulnerable.
He faithfully soldiers on year by year, carrying the same burdens
as any other Christian – and a lot more he's taken from the flock! He
has given his life for his flock and sometimes foolish people with little
or no understanding, make jibes about him “getting a proper job”. That
isolates him even more and he has to make yet more effort to overcome
the attacks that seek to further diminish his self esteem. He's misunderstood,
parodied and criticised by the media and generally mocked. This man
is a saint to keep going!
And then one day a lady in the parish shows understanding and
concern for him. Someone at least understands. Understanding brings
friendship and friendship brings closeness and closeness brings intimacy
– that should only be there between he and his wife – and intimacy is
half way to the fall.
The
Global Giant
At the opposite end of the spectrum is the global giant, the
man with a sort of ministry which creates demands on him that have taken
him to all corners of the globe. His Diary, Filofax or Palm-Pilot are
on overload. His ministry is mightily anointed, and he's constantly
on the run.
Some of us owe our lives to men like this, but actually they're
still human beings, they still get tired, they still get exhausted,
they're still tempted and they're still attacked by the enemy. They
are still very human, these global giants.
Back at home they have wives and families who pay the price.
We think, I expect the times of reunion between husband and wife are
great, on his return from a trip of three weeks ministering abroad.
Well they would be if he wasn't so tired. You've got to be something
special to be married to a global giant.
These are the men who have stood out the front of the great meetings
and poured out the grace and goodness of God to us. These are the men
who drive hundreds of miles to come to our local church to speak at
an evening meeting and who don't get home until two in the morning.
These men know the motorways and freeways as well as long distance drivers.
These men clock up more miles of air travel in a year than most of us
do in a life-time.
These men are there for us in a crisis. We scream and they come
running. No wonder they get tired, no wonder they suffer from burn out.
It's difficult to say no when someone is in a crisis.
Creeping
Burnout
But herein is the problem: these are big men and we look up to
them, so they have no one to turn to, no one to pour their heart out
to, and because that's just how it is, that's how it is for so many
of them. So they get over-tired without realising it. God still blesses
their ministry and so the demands keep coming. They should take regular
times out but the calls are so insistent that time passes without the
man realising that another six months have gone without a real rest.
Creeping burnout is insidious and most of us don't spot it, or we just
think, “Well, God will supply!”
Then in the midst of tiredness comes the crisis that involves
a member of the opposite sex and the great man shows care, compassion,
sympathy and understanding and finds she is crying on his shoulder.
Before they know where they are, they are where they shouldn't be.
Disclosure
But God doesn't let the sin of leaders remain under the carpet
for long. Either they confess it, or someone else finds out about it
and tells others, or a prophet reveals it! Soon it is out in the open.
This is the phase of disclosure. It is disclosure of his sin and it
disclosure of our hearts, and that brings us right back to our starting
place.
3.
How will we respond?
Various things have been said about the Church. Somebody said
that the Christian Church is the only place where they shoot wounded
soldiers. Somebody else has said that Christians can be the cruellest
people alive. Why is this so?
Perhaps it comes from that sense that Christians should not sin.
Much preaching focuses on holiness or ‘right living' and the implication
is always that we should be people who don't do wrong. Unfortunately
this preaching doesn't always bring the balance of grace and the understanding
of our frailty (If you would like to think through this whole area in
detail go to “Creating
a Secure Church – Part 1” by clicking on this link).
The way we respond to the news of the fall of a great leader
reveals the state of OUR heart.
King David was described by God as a man after His own heart
(1 Sam 13:14). When King Saul failed in his role, “Samuel mourned for
him. And the Lord was grieved that he had made Saul over Israel ” (1
Sam 15:35), yet when the news of Saul & Jonathan's death came to
David, he mourned for him (2 Sam 1:11).
The fact that Saul had utterly failed and never got back into
a place of rightness with God before he died, devastated David's heart.
David knew that Saul, failure or not, had been the Lord's anointed (v.16),
David ended his lament for Saul and Jonathan with those famous words
of anguish, “How the mighty have fallen”. That was not a cynical cry
of triumph but a cry of anguish.
May I suggest that an appropriate response when a great man of
God falls is not to criticise and endlessly discuss his failure, but
to weep for him?
Here is a man of God, perhaps a man who had blessed thousands
upon thousands, down through the years, a man who has stirred faith
in great crowds, a man who has stirred vision in multitudes, a man who
has encouraged and strengthened whole hosts of people. Yes, a human
man, a man perhaps with feet of clay, yet a man who has helped build
and strengthen the church, a man who has been God's channel of blessing
to so many. How soon do we forget all that in the face of one awful
failure and the ensuing pandemonium?
4.
Where will we go?
This is so often the cry of hearts that have been shattered by
the great man's fall? Who will look after us now? Who will lead us?
Such self-centred cries!
Pause for a moment and think about this fallen man of God. What
has led him to this point? What is he going through now? What future
has he? Let's consider each of those questions.
What
has led him to this point?
How did he get to this point of failure? There may be a variety
of answers. Perhaps it was a gradual growth of vulnerability that came,
either through growing confidence in his own strength or through a growing
weariness of spirit through constant ministry. Whichever it was, where
were the confidantes, the people closest to him, who should have seen
what was going on and spoken into his need.
The pointing finger will, at this point, say, “But he wouldn't
let us!” Really? Would no one spend time and care and perhaps money
on this man to bless him and help him face his vulnerability? WE let
him down. WE put him on a pedestal where he became a target. WE failed
to win his heart with our love and concern. It's not just him who needs
to repent.
Does sin just happen, was it just a moment's weakness that brought
about the succumbing to the temptation? Think again. If this is a man
of God of the ilk that we have been speaking about, he has probably
preached many times about the sanctity of marriage, possibly with great
anointing. He has so much going for him, both from the past glories,
the present challenges and the future possibilities, that it takes a
lot to bring about the downfall of such a man.
No, this was creeping burnout that may not have been recognised
that weakened him and made him vulnerable. This was why he didn't share
because in a growing state of burnout you start losing perspective and
don't realise the dangers until it is too late.
What
is he going through now?
Quite possibly a cold numbness is all he can feel. Maybe
there has been the guilt, maybe there has been a defensive justification
of all that happened, for sin is deceptive and few sins seem to produce
greater deception than adultery. Maybe he feels isolated. He has blown
it and his Christian world is against him. Maybe he's in turmoil wondering
how he can dig himself out of this mess. Maybe there is shame and weeping.
Maybe there is an inability to believe that any good can come through
this. Maybe there is an inability to even want to consider the possibility
of reconciliation with his wife. His mind is in confusion, if for no
other reason than the fact that he has stepped over a line he has preached
about for years and led others to believe in. His emotions are all over
the place.
How do we know this is true? Because if it wasn't, he would come
into the congregation of his people and say, “I have sinned against
you and against God, and I desperately need your help.” Some, by the
grace of God, do that quickly. Others take time to come to that place.
Some others never come to it. But until our man does that, how will
we be thinking of him?
What
future has he?
What will happen to him? That will certainly depend upon God,
but it may also depend, in a measure, upon us. If you struggle with
this, just remember what this man has given you in the past – his life.
The world is good at talking about goals and objectives. What
should our goal be?
It MUST be to seek his restoration (Gal 6:1). How can we help
this man be restored to God? How can we help him, be restored to his
wife (and there is a massive area of help needed probably)? How can
we help him be restored to his congregation?
Perhaps, initially, he may not actually want any of these things;
he's just too shot to pieces to want to achieve anything at the moment.
Perhaps in the hurt, pain or confusion of the present, even repentance
is a bridge too far.
God is not in a rush. He knows His son. Maybe there are other
things on God's agenda first. Maybe this child of God has got to find
loving, caring and accepting friendship of his friends before anything
else can happen. Maybe they've just got to “be there” for him. Not trying
to fix anything, not trying to do anything, but just being there for
him.
Perhaps the best thing we can do for this man is to offer to
send he and his wife to Bermuda for three months (yes three months!)
with the offer of a caring mentor to pop in regularly to check them
out, just to see how they are.
You are now spluttering over this? Is your legalism surfacing?
Do I hear, “You're suggesting we REWARD this sinner?????” No, I'm suggesting
we give him time to recuperate, for if you haven't realised it yet,
he's a severe casualty of war.
This is a man of God we're talking about. A man who has spent
hours and hours and hours in prayer, studying the word, encouraging
people, counselling the distressed, being there for others! This man
gave up his life for others!
So, do we want to see this ministry vanish off the face of the
earth, or do we want to see it blessing the world again, bringing even
greater glory to the King of Kings, and joy and blessing to the people
of God?
5.
So where does forgiveness come in?
Why have we placed these notes in the section of this site that
has been considering the whole subject of forgiveness? Because one of
these days our leader, this fallen man of God, is going to come seeking
it, and you might need to get ready.
Alternatively you may be in a position of closeness to this man,
and so you may be part of God's plan in bringing him back to a good
place where he can seek forgiveness and receive it but, as we said earlier,
it may need a number of things to happen before that can be possible,
and you might be a player in all of that.
In the previous notes on forgiveness we spoke about the need
to hold a right attitude towards your offender, seeking his welfare
even when you confront him. If our man is a man of God and a casualty
of war, confronting is not what he needs at the moment – God will do
that in His time. Perhaps all he needs at the present is the total love
and understanding of the people of God, especially those who were close
to him, who are utterly committed to his restoration. Not approval of
what he has done, but understanding of it at the very least.
To
Conclude
Weep for this man. Pray for him. Consider how you can bless him.
He needs our love, our care, our concern. If you haven't understood
this page, ask God for wisdom (Jas 1:5). There is a staggering opportunity
for the grace of God to be seen in action through the people of God,
a grace that is unique and which will be seen nowhere else on the earth.
May it be to His glory!
Can
we help?
If you would like to talk further
about these things, then the leaders of Rochford Community Church are
available to help you.
Remember,
if you want to e-mail Tony, it's tony.thomas@rochfordcc.co.uk
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