2.
My Wrong Against God
Let’s
look at what the Bible says about the wrong that has been committed.
2.1
It's a wrong against God. 
Many
of us forget about God in our daily lives and pretend He’s not there.
The
fact is that He is and He sees every single thing we do. Moreover, He
holds us accountable for ALL that we do.
Whatever
we do that is contrary to the way He has designed us to be, is what
the Bible calls ‘sin’, and God holds us accountable for every sin we
commit.
There
is often debate as to whether God purposefully and specifically brings
‘discipline’ to bear on our lives, or whether our simply running our
lives wrongly means they breakdown and pain ensues!
Regardless
of the mechanics, the result is always the same!
Where
we were genuinely unaware that we had wronged another, the Bible
indicates that God does NOT hold that against us until we become aware.
It
IS a wrong, but it is something that God has dealt with by means of
the Cross of Christ, where God deals with ALL sin by Jesus' substitutionary
death (i.e. he stood in for us).
However,
where we ARE aware (even if we try to ignore it) that we have done wrong,
THEN we have an issue with God that needs dealing with NOW in a specific
way. Let’s consider this further.
2.2
Outstanding, Unresolved Issues
Remember,
this is where we know we have done wrong. This can be thought,
word or deed.
Because God is wanting our lives to develop and mature and be free from
wrongs that harm us or others, He will hold this issue before us until
it is dealt with properly.
While
this remains an unresolved issue, we are likely to find negative results
in our lives (brought directly by God or indirectly by His design, as
noted above).
The
Bible simply says that you "reap what you sow" (Galatians
6:7)
Many,
many people (including Christians) are, therefore, coping with what
we have gently described as ‘negatives’, and wonder why things are going
wrong.
Answer:
they are ignoring God’s design and God’s declared will for us.
For
this outstanding issue to be resolved, there is a simple method laid
down by God, and we’ll consider that now.
2.3
Dealing with the Outstanding Unresolved Issue:
The
correct method of dealing with your wrong is as follows:
1. Acknowledge it and confess it to God. Facing it honestly is
a prerequisite to being forgiven.
2.
Ask God's forgiveness on the basis of what Jesus did for you on the
Cross.
God
can forgive you if someone else (His Son) takes what you deserve.
When
you acknowledge it and ask for forgiveness, He transfers the guilt
to Jesus on the Cross (because He stands outside of time) and declares
you forgiven (free).
3.
You forsake the wrong, i.e. you don’t carry on doing it! To keep
on with it is an indication you weren't really sorry about it.
4.
You do whatever is necessary, in respect of others, which will mean
asking them for forgiveness, and sorting out any restitution that may
be necessary. (We’ll cover that later on below)
3.
My Wrong against another Person
So
far we've only dealt with putting the thing right with God. The
next stage is putting the thing right with the person you wronged, and
this is equally important.
3.1
The State of the Wronged Person
You
are going to have to put yourself in their shoes, to understand what
they have been going through, before you approach them.
Various
things are going to influence how they feel:
Slapping
your partner when you are angry is a moral issue (it could
be considered criminal violence, but normally if it is a one-off and
simple as that, it isn't).
Speaking
abuse at someone is a moral issue. Stealing from someone is
a moral AND legal issue.
Sexual
abuse of a child is a moral AND legal issue.
Where
it is a legal issue (assuming you wish to completely clear the
record, as any Christian would), then confession may need to involve
the police and/or social workers.
The
temptation will always be to put this off in the hope it will never
come to light, but in the situation where others are involved,
e.g. child abuse, then there is always the possibility that at some
point in your life, they will 'blow the whistle' on you.
Far
better that you confess it voluntarily, receive help, and face and clear
the consequences.
3.2
Help Needed to Deal with it.
In
any and every case where we have wronged another, as we've said above,
our first port of call is to talk to God about it, confessing it to
Him as an offence against Him.
We
may also need to ask Him for grace to go through with the procedure.
Grace
is simply the divine ability to handle the situation rightly.
It
may involve strength, courage, humility, wisdom, all of which are needed
to be able to say, "I am really sorry!"
The
bigger the issue, the more of God's grace will be needed.
Sometimes
God's grace is in the form of help from someone else.
This
is not someone who will be casual about your wrong, but someone who
will lovingly stand alongside you while you go through the process.
If
you have no one else, and you feel the content of this page applies
to you, the leaders of Rochford Community Church will always be available
to stand alongside you if you want.
It
is good to have someone alongside you who will be impartial, who can
hold you accountable, who can say, "Yes, you handled that well.
That was good," or even, "Be honest with yourself, you're
not really in the right frame of mind to work this through yes, are?"
3.3
Saying Sorry
Somewhere
along the line, you are going to have to go to the person you wronged,
say sorry and ask for their forgiveness.
Now
above we suggested that you put yourself in the shoes of the person
you wronged, and the reason we did this was for you to recognise something
of what they may be feeling about what happened, and what they might
be feeling about you.
If
they haven't come to you first (because they haven't read the 2nd page
on this subject), then you going to them may come completely out of
the blue. It may be completely unexpected.
This
means they will not have time to think about what you are saying and
their reaction may be less than gracious!
Obviously
you will only be taking this step, if you have read the words of this
page, and have decided that you do indeed need to take action.
You
will therefore approach them with gentleness, contrition and humility.
That will help.
But
you do need to be prepared for their initial reaction to you to be negative:
"So what took you so long then?" or "So big deal,
you think that makes it all right then?"
If
your heart is true in its intention, then you will take this and NOT
respond negatively.
You
hope their reaction will be good straight away (and it may be!), but
you have to be prepared to let them go away hostile, and for God to
bring peace to them.
When
you say sorry, for it to be true, it is to be without excuses.
Also
you remain sorry after you've said the words to them, even if they have
not responded positively.
You
may need to be praying for grace to speak gracious word in parting,
so that you leave the door open for them to come back to you some time
in the future, in a more harmonious frame of mind.
When
you ask for forgiveness, you do it in the very best way, seeking to
bring healing and reconciliation. Having done all you can, you
must then leave it up to God to work, to bring it to completion in reality.
3.4
The Matter of Restitution
Some
offences cause damage or physical loss. Sometimes merely
saying sorry is insufficient, restitution is required, which means you
replacing what was taken or broken.
Where
a reputation is taken, then restitution means going to speak to each
and every person you spoke to in the reputation-destroying process.
It will mean confessing to them that you were wrong in your judgement.
3.5
What if it's not physically possible
Some
who are reading this page, may recognise that as Christians they have
an unresolved outstanding situation where they failed, and which now
needs putting right, but where the practicalities now seem impossible.
The
most obvious case is where the person you wronged is now dead.
Obviously you cannot say sorry to them, but you can still say sorry
to God.
The
other obvious case is where the person in question has left the area
and you no longer know where they are. The same applies, although possibly
a few simple enquiries might produce the knowledge you need of their
whereabouts. 
Where
the person lives some distance away from you, then a letter will
probably be the best form of initial contact.
A
telephone call is not so good, as it comes as rather a surprise,
is only semi-personal, and you may catch them at a moment when they
do not have the time to talk.
E-mails
are not good in that they appear abrupt, and tend to be rather brief
and to the point.
Indeed
for a variety of wrongs, writing a letter is sometimes the best
form of initial contact, and in it you may both explain and apologise
and then go on to offer to come and see them and say it face to face.
Personal
confrontation, although harder, is actually better at conveying
the reality of what you have come to feel.
3.6
Wait for it to be real
Sometimes
a friend may say, "You really ought to go and say sorry,"
or a pastor might say to a new member of their church, "Well, I
think you really ought to go and put it right."
What
can then follow is an artificial apology, "I was told I ought to
come and...." which isn't real and isn't the heart that needs to
be expressed if healing and reconciliation are to be genuinely brought.
If
you are a Christian and you have read through this page and concluded
that you do have an issue you need to put right, then pray about it
first.
Don't
be hasty but instead seek God, ask for grace and wisdom and then proceed
gently and in humility, seeking the best for the person you wronged.
If
you have a close friend who can stand alongside you if it's a big issue,
to help you see it through, all the better.
Can
we help?
If you haven't anyone else to talk to about these
things, then we'd like you to feel free to make contact with Tony Thomas,
one of the main leaders of Rochford Community Church, who will treat
whatever you share in complete confidence.
Remember,
if you want to e-mail Tony to make further contact, it's
tony.thomas@rochfordcc.co.uk
We
recognise that the issues covered on this and the following pages
are not easy ones to deal with and often discussion, help and
counsel are helpful. To that end we can come and run a Course
covering these things to help people face these issues in a confidential
and non-threatening environment where they may ask questions and
gradually reach their own conclusions as to course of action to
be followed. If you represent a church or a group and wish to
avail yourselves of such a course, please contact Tony using the
e-mail address given. |
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