Introduction
to this Page
Each
of the pages in this series seeks to provide specific areas for thought
and application. We are always open to receive e-mails from you to answer
questions clarifying what you will find on these pages, but we hope
the pages themselves will give you sufficient to think through and work
on for a long time to come.
The
purpose of this purely introductory page
is to explain the nature of these pages generally and to give you some
idea of the background to this Series and especially as to its author
and why we hope there is some experience here worth listening to, if
you are a new parent or simply a parent of some years who wants help.
At the bottom of the page is a comprehensive overview of all you will
find in this Series on Parenting.
Contents:
1.
Why these pages
•
the nature
of this ‘course'.
2.
The Style of these pages
•
course notes,
in a hopefully easy style to receive
3.
What Experience lies behind these pages
•
a brief synopsis
of the writer's history.
4.
What you will find on the pages of this part of the site
•
a comprehensive
contents covering the course.
1.
Why these Pages
Many
parents in our society in the West, in the early part of the twenty-first
century, are struggling. Society has changed considerably in the past
fifty years. Standards have changed, norms have changed, and ideas have
changed and many parents are like a blind
man walking around in a big field, with no point of reference.
Our children are under pressures
from culture, and ideas and standards fluctuate.
As
a result of this many families are in distress, but one good sign is
that there is much interest in Parenting and many
people want help. The Internet is an
excellent place to receive it. The majority of homes in the U.K. have
Internet access and a rapidly increasing number have broadband which
makes the access even easier and faster. Once you have paid your dues
to get online, everything you get here
is free and you can come and go as you like, when you
like, and work through the pages at your own pace.
Because
these pages are quite large you may wish to save
a page and read it off-line.
Feel free to do that.
We
have a burden to help anyone who is a parent to come to a greater understanding
of what it means to be a parent in such a difficult age. This site has
no advertising and has nothing to sell. It is purely here
to help you.
2.
The Style of these Pages
The
purpose and design of these pages on Parenting is to provide you with
structured teaching material
that, we hope, provides a wide perspective for those who are just becoming
parents, or those who have just decided they need to seriously think
some more about parenting.
We
have tried to provide you with materials that are a half way between
basic note headings and articles or essays. We have used bullet-style
or short-paragraph style to enable you to take in, in
small bites, the material that is here.
On
the one hand there is a lot of reading material on these pages, but
on the other hand you may feel frustrated that there is not more detail
in places. However, we hope you can cope with the compromise and will
find the material here useful and readable.
There is a lot of it, but not so much as you might find in a book on
Parenting!
3.
What Experience lies behind these pages?
Looking
back over the various stages of my life, there have been, in every stage,
great opportunities to learn. This is a story about learning. If you
want to be a parent, be a learner!
I
am:
•
a husband of
thirty three years with a wonderful wife,
•
a grandparent
of a few weeks (so no qualification or experience here!)
•
a teacher of
over twenty seven years
•
a pastor, part
and full-time, of over twenty three years.
•
a parenting facilitator
of five years
Do
I know about people? Yes.
Do
I know about being a parent? Yes.
Am
I a perfect parent? Definitely not!
Do
I have all the answers? No!
So
why do I write? Because
-
I
have enjoyed being a husband and a parent (although not always very
wonderfully!), and
-
I
am deeply saddened by the trends within family life and the difficulties
obviously being experienced by many parents today, and
-
As
a teacher/pastor/trained parenting facilitator, I believe I have
learned some things worth passing on over the years. I hope you
will agree and find these pages helpful. They are born not only
out of training but of experience.
4.
What you will find on the pages on this part of the site
The
Parenting pages form only a very small part of this site. From the home
page you will see we cover life resources in the form of specific help-resources
for families, general spiritual help-resources for seekers, and specific
help-resources for Christians. There is also a link to our large sister-site
which is dedicated to the Bible and Bible Study and Bible Meditation.
In
this series on Parenting you will find the following:
1.
Parenting is for Life
-
Setting the scene and a look at the early years
1.
A Lifetime of Parenting
•
awareness that once a parent always a parent – changing roles throughout
life as a parent.
2.
A Breakdown in Parenting
•
awareness that parenting breaks down if it's not started as early
as possible .
3.
Parenting the Foetus
•
awareness of how you can influence your baby in the womb for good.
4.
Parenting the Newborn Child
•
awareness of your main tasks and the problems to be overcome together
in those early months.
5.
Do Talk!
•
an early plea for you both to communicate with each other.
6.
Recap
2.
The Potential of Parenting
-
A look at what could be
1.
Pictures from the Past
•
The difficulty of learning from the past
2.
The Difficulty of Painting a Picture
•
A glance at a writer from the past
3.
Seize the Day
•
Safeguards against living in the future
•
Making the Most of Today
•
Holding onto good memories in the Past
4.
So Look Forward
•
Identifying some of the areas where we can be there for our children
•
Coping with the ongoing and rapidly changing world
5.
Recap
3.
Your Child's Development
- Development, Traits, Temperament & Beliefs
1.
General Developmental Abilities
General
growth tendencies for different ages
2.
General Things about Children
a)
Traits
b)
Temperaments
3.
A Key Foundation Stone: A Matter of Beliefs
a)
A Matter of Beliefs in You
b)
No “forced plants”
c)
The Power of Expectation
d)
Your Child's Beliefs
e)
Children Need to Belong
4.
Recap
4.
All about Self-Esteem
- Why self-esteem is so important and how to build it
1.
What is Self-Esteem and Why is it Important?
a)
The Fundamentals of Self-Esteem
b)
Examples of Self-Esteem Being Attacked
c)
About Beliefs Again
Examples
of how it can be undermined
2.
Signs of Low Self-Esteem
a)
Negative beliefs that Demean
b)
Visible Signs
3.
Building Self-Esteem through Respect
a)
What is Respect?
b)
How do you help your child learn respect
c)
Love & Respect your Child all the time
4.
Building Self-Esteem by Encouragement
a)
What is Encouragement?
b)
What is the difference between respect and encouragement?
c)
Simple ways we can encourage our children
d)
What is the difference between praise and encouragement?
5.
Building Self-Esteem by Assisting Learning
a)
How does Learning Help?
b)
Guidelines for Encouraging Learning
c)
Learning for different ages
6.
Building Self-Esteem by Simply Loving
a)
Love is not Passive
b)
When love is difficult
c)
Things Love stops us Saying
7.
Building Self-Esteem by turning Negatives into Positives
a)
Negative Upsets
b)
Negative upsets
8.
Beware Going over the top with self-esteem
The
dangers of the absence of respect.
9.
Recap & Overview
5.
Looking after Yourself
- Why parenting is stressful and how to cope with it
1.
Why is Parenting Stressful
a)
You are an imperfect human being
b)
Your child is an imperfect child
c)
You've never walked this path before
d)
Life is sometimes just difficult
e)
Homemaker mothers have unique difficulties
2.
Handling Stress
a)
Things I can do on my own in the short-term
b)
Things I can do with help
c)
Long-term more general issues
d)
Breaking into the Stress
3.
Planning as a way of heading off stress
a)
Take a course of positively thinking about yourself
b)
Decide to positively work through some of the things on this site
about parenting
c)
Start to plan days so you control what happens rather than have
to react to crises.
4.
Recap
6.
Your Child's Behaviour
- Why your child behaves as they do
1.
Reading the Signs
a)
Signs at different ages
b)
Signs of the absence of peace
c)
Signs of Childish Irresponsibility or of Wilful Rebellion
d)
Where your child might be in development
e)
Factors affecting what your child believes about themselves
2.
Key Reasons why your Child behaves as it does
a)
Their stage of development
b)
Their place in the Family Structure
c)
You
d)
Their state of health
e)
The state of their self-esteem
f)
The Rules they have learnt
g)
Fears
h)
Wilful Selfishness
3.
What is Misbehaviour
Overview
of the behaviour considered.
4.
Recap
7.
Approaching Discipline
- What discipline is and ways to approach it.
1.
What is Discipline
a)
Early Thoughts and a Definition
b)
Observing the Absence of Discipline
c)
Dealing with the Situation
2.
Long-Term Training
a)
Work on establishing a foundation of self-esteem building
b)
Determine from the outset what style of parenting you will use
c)
Establish a recognition of what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour
in the family
d)
Establish a Structure or Pattern for dealing with non-acceptable
behaviour.
e)
Keep an Open Environment – hold Family Meetings
3.
Giving Choices
a)
Choosing to Give Choices
b)
Natural Choices in Life
c)
Inabilities of Toddlers
d)
Choices of Behaviour
4.
Preventing Misbehaviour
a)
Control the Environment
b)
Lay down Expectations
c)
Interact with your Child
d)
Reinforce Good Behaviour
5.
Recap
8.
The Details of Discipline
- Why your child misbehaves and ways to counter it
1.
The Psychology of Misbehaviour
a)
How YOU view it
b)
The Desire to Belong
c)
The Rewards of Good Behaviour
d)
Learning from each School
2.
The Mistaken Goals that produce Misbehaviour
a)
To Get Attention
b)
To Exert Power
c)
To Get Revenge
d)
To Express Inadequacy
3.
Other Considerations
a)
The Other Side of the Coin
b)
Requirements for this to Work
c)
Is this all there is?
d)
Look again at your child
4.
Specific Techniques for Discipline
a)
Understand what we're doing
b)
Dealing with Younger Children
c)
Dealing with Older Children
5.
To Smack or Not to Smack
a)
The Background to my Comments
b)
Some Parents Will Smack
c)
Some Parents Remain in Fear and Chaos
d)
The Illogical Nature of Opposition to Smacking
e)
Ground Rules for Smacking
f)
Personal Testimony
6.
Recap
9.
All about Listening and Talking
- The fine art of listening and responding well
1.
The Art of Bad Communication
a)
Bad Family Communication
b)
Translating Bad Communication
c)
Lessons to be Learned
2.
Talkers and Listeners
a)
Families Talk
b)
Talking without Listening?
3.
Learning to be a Talker
a)
How to Switch People Off
b)
Working at Being a Talker
c)
Talking to Get behind the Barriers
4.
Learning to Listen Beyond the Surface
a)
Simple Basic Listening
b)
Listening Beyond the Surface
c)
Using Reflective Listening
5.
Recap
NB.
This site is constantly active! More subjects will be added in the days
to come
and
existing
ones will have extra features added.
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